"The Rules "
Just so, you know, we are all like on the same page and everything.
It is YOUR responsibility to use birth control.
If sex results in a pregnancy, it's YOUR responsibility.
Pulling out is not birth control.
Not putting in is.
Anal sex might be, but if that’s your best option, you have much bigger issues.
Just because a man got you pregnant does not mean he loves you.
Just because a man got you pregnant does not mean he is capable of being a good father.
Just because you can have a baby doesn't mean you should.
Just because you think you are ready to be a parent doesn’t mean you are right.
Just because he should be a father doesn’t mean he will.
Love doesn’t pay the bills.
But neither should your lover.
Porn doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you.
It is never OK to steal from your boyfriend.
It’s NEVER OK to steal from your boyfriend.
If you actually break her implant during sex, maybe you should ease up a bit there cowboy.
Take it seriously, it’s sex after all.
Don’t take it too seriously. It’s only sex after all.
Remember to erase the tape.
Yes, you do look that stupid when you have an orgasm.
Don't ever fake it.
No means no.
Maybe means maybe.
Yes may eventually mean no.
“Oh yes!” Doesn’t necessary mean what it sounds like.
Just because you are in the mood doesn’t mean you can get some.
Just because you aren’t in the mood, doesn’t mean your lover can’t get some.
It’s called a clitoris. Know how to use it.
Size does matter.
For 90% of the people, your size is just right.
For crissake, don’t ever use the phrase “who's your daddy?”
Your hormones are no excuse to be a bitch.
Her hormones are plenty of an excuse for you to be on your best behavior.
Men, it’s give to get. Get down with giving it.
Semen will not make you fat.
Well, actually, it might. See rule number one.
When giving, no teeth!
Proper grooming is always appreciated.
Hygiene people. Hygiene!
It's never OK to "oops" your way into the wrong hole.
Most fantasies are usually best left that way. That’s why they are called “fantasies.”
Call her back.
You can’t change him.
She is going to change.
If you think you deserve better, you probably do.
If you think you can do better, you probably can't.
Listen.
Listen some more.
Love always ends badly.
Learn to cope.
Coping should not require a restraining order.
Joint bank accounts are for married people.
There’s a reason he has had four failed marriages.
That reason is him.
You do not need to know everything she did in her past relationship.
You do not want to know everything she did in her past relationship.
If you can’t trust her, you shouldn’t be with her.
If you can’t trust him, you shouldn’t be with him.
Love is always worth the risk.
Love may not be worth the consequence.
Love may not be requited, but a relationship must be.
"Whatever" is not an acceptable way to end a conversation.
Don't agree with me?
Whatever.
