"Valentines "
I'll be dipped in honey and dusted with a light coating of powdered sugar. It's Valentines Day, and I've got a short Jimbo update (read rant session) with my tongue planted firmly in cheek (since no one else is currently willing to put their tongue there).
Valentines Day: A holiday invented by America's ever-savvy marketing types to get men to spend lavish amounts of money on women in their effort to get laid.
Wait a minute, how is this different from any other day?
Well, on Valentines Day, this outlay of capital is not only expected, for many men, it's required. Forget those gifts on V-Day, and the only bed you will be sharing is Fido's after the locks have been changed and restraining orders filed. Flowers, candy, jewelry, dinner, champagne, and a saucy little silk or lace teddy from everybody's favorite catalog. It adds up quick. Cha-ching! It is American capitalism at it's finest just dipped in melted chocolate and delivered with flowers.
Bleah. Hand me some tissues and a toothbrush.
I'm happy to report, that I am completely immune to this ritualistic consumerism and social manipulation of my emotional state. Yes, I'm single and therefore not required to participate in this uniquely American form of exploitation.
That's right, I won't be coerced to spend a week's salary on one silly, luxurious, drippy, candle-lit, unimportant, blissful, romantic evening.
I can go home tonight, watch that movie I rented this weekend in peaceful, unrelenting solitude, and think about how much interest I'm getting on that Valentine's money still sitting in the bank. My teeth remain white and healthy without all that unnecessary chocolate. No need for Claritin without any flowers around the house, and I certainly don't have to worry about mono, STD's or unwanted pregnancies as sex is clearly out of the question. Why, I don't even have to shave if I don't feel like it.
So for all of you that have found that Mr. or Ms. Right (or at least Right Now), enjoy your night out on the town even though you have become willing pawns feeding the giant American marketing machine. Just try to muffle all the gooey, sappy baby-talk out of respect for me and your other single neighbors. Too much sugar makes my stomach hurt.
And to everyone else sleeping alone, Happy Valentines Day.
