"Taco Tuesday Resolutions "
The Unofficial Taco Tuesday List of Resolutions for 2002
Dan
1. Spend more quality time with the cats.
2. Wax chest for improved aerodynamics.
3. Pay bills to Mistress Monique’s house of leather promptly. The floggings are beginning to scar.
4. Learn to pronounce “Kristen”.
5. Spend more quality time with the cats.
6. Figure out why the car isn’t, in fact, compensating for a…never mind.
7. Share more pastries in Laguna with “friends.”
8. Spend less time watching “The Spice Channel”.
9. Finally take that romantic vacation to the Ice Hotel in the Arctic Circle.
10. Spend more quality time with the cats.
Annie
1. 949 – Check. 714 – Check. Begin dating available men in the 909.
2. Upgrade to “D” Cell.
3. Come clean about secret addiction to “Cosmo”.
4. Finish thesis: Teasing and Torment/Tools for Self Actualization.
5. Obtain genetic material for Dave Matthews cloning project.
6. Upgrade to a three-date limit.
7. Prove Dan wrong. Regardless.
8. Find loophole to restraining orders from various pot smoking lead singers in well-known jam bands.
9. Splurge more. Finally buy that $2 lap dance from John.
10. Learn to be a hoochie. Step one: Submit application to Hustler Magazine’s “Beaver Hunt.”
Jimbo
1. Have sex with Annie.
2. Have sex with Annie.
3. Have sex with Annie.
4. Have sex with Annie.
5. Have sex with Annie.
6. Have sex with Annie.
7. Have sex with Annie.
8. Have sex with Annie.
9. Have sex with Annie.
10. Have sex with Annie.
Darren
1. One word: Pigmentation.
2. Unload those shares of Pets.com you were saving for a rainy day.
3. Replace Dockers and pocket protector with wife beater tank top boxer shorts.
4. Cut back on daytime TV.
5. Finish “Will Work for…Anyone ” sign.
6. Have at least one working Porsche for every five on blocks.
7. Quit losing races to crappy Japanese super cars.
8. Finally get therapy for unfortunate steeplechase incident.
9. Complete volume 3: “An Idiot’s Guide to Mocking Emotionally Unavailable Red Haired Irish Girls with Success and Enthusiasm”.
10. Stop purchasing worthless junk from Mark on E-Bay.
Martin
1. Acquire tan polyester bell-bottom pants to complete hip, retro, 70’s cop show image.
2. Acquire funky Isaac Hayes theme song to complete hip, retro, 70’s cop show image.
3. Acquire sexy, buxom, blonde woman to complete hip, retro, 70’s cop show image.
4. Acquire Paul Mitchell Extra Fluffy Volumizer for Chest Hair to complete hip, retro, 70’s cop show image.
5. Acquire 1977 black Monte Carlo with mag wheels and pin stripes to complete hip, retro, 70’s cop show image.
6. Acquire sexy, smart, brunette woman to complete hip, retro, 70’s cop show image.
7. Acquire hyper-intelligent chimp or bad Hispanic actor to complete hip, retro, 70’s cop show image.
8. Acquire sexy, tomboyish, red haired woman to complete hip, retro, 70’s cop show image.
9. Acquire green shag carpeting to complete hip, retro, 70’s cop show image.
10. Get therapy for addiction to Starsky and Hutch reruns.
