"2000 Flushes: New Years Letter "
Hi everybody! Don't worry; this letter is fully Y2K compliant. I figured I should reassure you since prophets and prognosticators all predict the world to end as a result of the infamous Y2K bug. But rest assured, the Jimbo update has been fully inoculated against it.
I hope you don't mind receiving all these updates in one month. It's been a big month! Thanksgiving, Christmas, now Y2K -- got lot's to write about.
Y2K: The planet's odometer is about to roll over and the world is ready to pull the Family Truckster into Times Square and celebrate in the backseat. In the grand, cosmic scheme of things, the year 2000 really is a bit arbitrary, but people always flip when confronted with a bunch of zeros. And why not? It's a fine time to reflect, to plan, and a great excuse for a party. I'm not above the hoopla, so I'm willing to haul my life into the psychological service center for my 2000 mile overhaul.
1999 wasn't too extraordinary. No major changes that I can recall. I didn't change my career, change my sex, change my religion, or change my preference for boxers over briefs. I didn't lose a leg, fall off a (big) cliff, win the lottery, write the great American novel, the great Armenian novel, the great Babylonian novel, or any other novel for that matter. I didn't get engaged, get married, get divorced, get therapy, go back to school, cure cancer, learn to speak Hebrew, find enlightenment, date a Playmate, sprout wings, or get arrested. But I still had a few interesting moments in 1999.
I learned that cops do show up in court when you contest a traffic ticket (I'm innocent - I swear - and vow to find the REAL runner of that red light).
I climbed lots of rocks in 1999; a total of 46 days tied to the end of a rope. The trips varied from Joshua Tree to Yosemite, Malibu to Flagstaff, British Columbia to Nevada. I spent one very cold night wrapped in a flimsy (and not too effective) foil emergency blanket shuddering on a three-foot ledge 600 feet off the ground as a result of a stuck rope during my decent. I also climbed the famous Lost Arrow Tip in Yosemite - some 3000 feet above the ground. At the top I had to traverse upside down along a rope stretched 70 feet from the spire to the valley rim.
I saw a moose. And caribou. And a good chunk of western Canada.
I have discovered that just because I am - as far as I can tell - the last single and reasonably stable man in California, it does not get any easier to meet women. In fact, it's beginning to seem that most women I meet were put on this earth simply to @#$! with my head, my heart or my wallet. Usually all of the above. Ok, so I crashed and burned on two recent romantic pursuits. Can you tell?
Subsequently, I've decided to go gay. I wonder if there's a class I can take. Maybe a self-help book, "So You're Thinking of Going Gay"....
Then again, priesthood is always an option. I've lived with celibacy before. Hell, I'm living with her now! Celibacy is clearly the longest relationship I've ever had. If it weren't for the internet, I'd have forgotten what all those body parts were for.
Sorry. I'm a little touchy right now because I don't have a date for the big night. There are key moments in life when it's best to have a sweetie. Prom, Valentines Day, New Year's, the one millennium you're around to see. I'll spare you my statistics for those dates because it's far too depressing to talk about. I swear I was just a bad childhood away from being the guy seen on Hard Copy, camped out on a rooftop with an assault rifle and a bottle of vodka.
(Grumble)
OK, maybe that's all just a little too drastic. With each new year comes new hope, right? I figure another millennium might be just enough time for me to get laid.
I skipped my 10-year high school reunion. Go Cougars. Rah, bah, humbug. The few friends from Sahuaro that I still keep up with didn't go either. Besides, I was climbing that weekend. I really had no urge to go. But I'd be lying if I said there wasn't some tiny, curious little corner of me that wishes I had.
I saw Dave Matthews in concert twice in 1999. My father thinks his music sounds like cats in a blender, but he has always been five or ten years behind in his musical tastes. In the early 90s he discovered my juvenile musical love, Van Halen - about seven years after I first tortured him with their vinyl. He's just begun to figure out U2. By 2003 he'll come around to Dave. Why the DMB anyhow? Because their music makes me feel like someone is pouring 7-Up down through my nerve endings. Does that make any sense? I hope so.
Got lots of new toys in 1999. A new bike, new computer, new cell phone, new desk, new watch, new climbing gear - and even more credit card bills. But with yesterday's Christmas bonus, a solid 4th quarter, and the nice raise in November, I have, as of today, totally removed myself from debt. I'm free and clear for 2000, and it feels really, REALLY good. 1999 introduced me to lots of amazing people, and brought some wonderful old friends back into my life. I'm thankful for them all.
At the close of the century, I don't have too many dents, and the engine is in good working order. I'm in the best shape of my life, still have a 30 inch waist, can bench press 200 lbs, and can hang off a cliff on my finger tips (never know just when that skill will come in handy). The paint may be starting to show a little oxidation, but it's nothing that a lifetime of Propecia or a good surgeon couldn't cure.
Still, I could use a few changes in 2000. I know I need a tire rotation. I'm still at Wavefunction, I'm still single, I'm feeling a bit stagnant, and my hair continues to seek new employment opportunities elsewhere. And although life is damn good, 1999 simply did not include enough joy, adventure, sex, dance, charity, or blind, groping, and potentially disastrous explorations into the unknown as I would have liked.
So do I have any resolutions? I'm not sure. But I do have a truckload of goals. I have a list of places to see, rocks to climb, books to read, and things to do as long as the typical Jimbo update. I plan to climb my first big wall in Yosemite this year. I plan to travel to Thailand and France. I plan to find a new job - and soon. I plan to spend less time concerned about where I am and what I've got, and more time concerned with who I am and what I give. And I'm desperately trying to learn how to do this.
I suppose I do have one resolution. Last year, John Styn wrote a New Year's resolution (www.fray.com/hope/resolutions/03.html) for the Fray, and his posting stuck with me all this year as something important, poignant, and profound. He resolved to get rejected more. He resolved to try more things, approach more girls, take more risks, experience more failure. I can't think of anything more important on the advent of a new year, a new century, a new millennium.
So that's it. I resolve in 2000 to embrace opportunity and its occasional,inevitable failure. I want to experience more of life in 2000. I'll endure more cuts, bruises, aches, pains, slaps, doubts, and fears. Like my climbing partner always tells me, I need to fall more.
I'll double-check my harness and stock up on the Advil. You be sure to dothe same.
Happy New Year. Smile lots.
