"Dreams of Youth "
I'm graduating. A brave new dawn in my 21 years of life on this planet. A transition unlike any other I have ever experienced. Doors are opening and changes are taking place as fast as I can react to them. It takes near all my energy to keep from slipping into chaos.
A freshman student asks me, "How does it feel to be graduating?" I smile and respond with, "Great" or "I'm counting the minutes."
But that is only a half truth. Yes, I want out of this university. NAU has held me for too long. The possibilities of future excite and animate me. However, a flurry of questions and dreams lost to academia and success infest my mind through every waking moment.
College is the place to learn. To grow. To prepare to become a responsible, productive member of society. Think about a job! Think about the economy! How is this going to affect my chances for success? I have spent almost the entirety of four years thinking and working and living just that. And, now...now I'm ready to join the rest of society in the real world.
Don't believe the lie.
Most of the last four years were spent trying to scrape something of interest from professors who, because of 12 or so years in academia, were suddenly and magically qualified to teach. Years of reading and highlighting and filling in the "none of the above" circle neatly with a number two pencil. A rare moment was found when a professor really wanted to test me on what I could learn or had learned. How exotic a professor, a "teacher" who chose to challenge me to perform beyond what I perceived to my capabilities.
Why have I done this to myself? What have I learned? Though I specifically chose communications because my heart knows that communication composes the building blocks of all human relationships, and I do believe in what I do, I still ask the questions: What did I really learn? What have I gained?
Did I ever study the great philosophers?
Did I ever write a poem -- or even READ a poem?
Did I ever truly use my talents, my creativity to paint or sculpt or express any of my perceptions of reality?
How often was I asked to imagine, to think about what could be rather than what is?
Did I ever climb to the top of that living mountain, that monument to God, that pinnacle of rock and Earth and life, and did I stand upon its summit and cry out to the Lord that I am his child, his creation and I am alive!
Where are the dreams of youth, the untamed creativity and enthusiasm that children innately have until choked off by society? I wanted to fly, to soar, to dance upon the clouds on wings of steel. I wanted to swim with dolphins, to experience and learn and understand their quiet underwater world. I wanted to dance, to act, to breathe in the laughter and applause of the audience. I cared not how you looked or how you dressed. Bonds were created with, "Hi my name is Jimmy, do you want to play?" Are these dreams forever to be suppressed by responsibility? By adulthood? By "America?"
Those dreams still exist, clustered with new ones and buried under fear, and stress and deadlines. I want to see the coral and clear turquoise of the Caribbean. I want to test my strength, my spirit, my soul through adventure and adrenaline. I want to love, to know love in return, and to share my dreams and life and soul with another.
Ah, but these dreams are clouded with what I should do. What I need to do. With adulthood. For dreams to become real it takes work. It takes time. It takes discipline. And, alas, it takes money. Is it possible to find that balance? Is it possible to maintain the zeal for living, the quest for adventure, and the innocent, unconditional love of God and human kind?
Yes! Yes, by God it is possible. I refuse to allow my creativity and emotion to be smothered out. I refuse to become just another suit who picks up his check, grabs a beer and falls into a tormented sleep while watching Jay Leno.
I will, I must strive and work to keep my youth alive. And, with patience, persistence and zeal I can succeed in many, if not all of my dreams and hopes and goals.
Not to do so is to allow oneself to become a clone, a shell of a human, a child that once was a spring of life and spirit and energy.
I direct this to all the students in this class and in this school: Don't forget your dreams. Don't ever deny your youth for some passing grade. Remember who you are; remember your spirit, and learn to grow with it, not ever against it. I wish you luck. And I ask you to pray that I too, can live my words, my dreams, and let us never forget the child that rests inside us all.
Peace.
