'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring except me at my mouse.
My towel was set by the laptop with care
In hopes internet porn soon would be there.
My body was nestled all snug in my bed
While visions of boobies bounced in my head.
One hand on the mouse and one hand in my lap
I had just settled in for a nice evening slap.
When out from my inbox arose such a clatter
I arose from my stupor to see what was the matter.
Away to that window I flew like a flash
Shut down explorer and cleaned out the cache.
The light from the glass made my eyes all a glow
As I gazed at my inbox now open below.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear?
But a hundred new emails I now had to clear.
With so many messages, like some evil plan
I knew in a moment it all must be spam.
More rapid than eagles the emails they came
I cursed and I grumbled as I read them by name.
Cheap Xanex! Refinance! Hot Sexy Women!
Viagra! No Debt! Waistlines are slim'n!
From the top of the inbox, spam it was all.
To the trash! To the trash! To the trash with it all!
Like flies to a carnage, the spammers will fly
So much junk in my inbox, I wanted to cry.
To the max of my bandwidth the messages flew
For cheap toner cartridges and kiddy porn too.
As I read all the mail I went through the roof
I'd make millions in Nairobi, but they just wanted proof.
As I clicked and I dragged the messages around
I read of a lady who had sex with a hound!
New herbs that would make my dick long as a foot
And systems to make bad credit kaput.
Pills that would help flat girls grow a rack
Others to make lots of sperm fill my sack.
I learned of a girl that for now we'll call Terri
Who can be seen on the net busting her cherry.
Grants could be had for those in the know
On webcams big boobies young girls want to show.
As I deleted the junk, I just gritted my teeth
For the end of my patience I was starting to reach.
A new letter told me I could get rid of my belly
Another for condoms with spermicide jelly.
A message told me about a girl screwing an elf
And I laughed when I read it, in spite of my self.
Tonics to grow new hair on my head
With more messages arriving I had plenty to dread.
Not reading them all I went straight back to work
To delete the lot, and return to my jerk.
Tossing the notes for hot teens and debt woes
In the middle of it, my laptop, it froze!
Frustrated and angry I began to bristle
At the spammers I wanted to launch a missile.
You could hear me exclaim as I gave in with a sigh
Merry Christmas, you spammers, hope you get ass cancer and die.